Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I’m Surprised Your Surprised

Do you know couples that are truly frustrated by one another, particularly post kids? Sure all couples bicker and fight because, well we are all human. What puzzles me are the women, primarily, that are surprised by what type of fathers their husbands turned out to be or how irresponsible their men are. As with any opinion there are always exceptions and people can change after I Do. That said, I would venture to say a vast majority of women know exactly what they are getting into when they say yes. They know the good, bad and the ugly about their men and enter into the commitment willingly. So why are so many women taken back at how lazy or uninvolved some of their men are? Their men were good enough when they said Yes but now that they decided to have a family and/or add to their responsibilities the men are no longer good enough. This is why I’m always surprised they are surprised. What do you think?

10 comments:

  1. I seriously think a lot of people rush into marriage and then are shocked when they realize what they have gotten into! Seriously!? It irks me to no end, it is not like they were forced to be married. I also think marriage is taken way too lightly these days and is not as sacred as it should be. I knew exactly what type of father my husband would be and I must say those were a lot of the reasons I chose my husband, I looked for someone caring, loving and giving, I focused more on the marriage aspect than the wedding planning details. I think more people need to do that. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
    Great post by the way!! :) Gets people thinking! :)

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  2. I was one of those who rushed into my marriage, but I haven't regretted it. My husband proposed after 5 days, and i knew the ind of man he was. We'd known each other in high school, do it wasn't as if I were marrying a complete stranger. He's totally committed, and shares in the responsibility 50/50. I couldn't ask for a better life partner!

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  3. Interesting thought. I've considered this alot recently, as I have some friends that have had marital trouble since becoming parents. My observations with them have led me to believe that sometimes, you just don't REALLY know what kind of parent your spouse is going to be, before you're a parent. Because although you have ideas about what parenthood is like, there's really no preparing for the real thing. Looking back, although I think I got really lucky with my hubby, I can't say that I knew exactly what kind of dad he was going to be before Princess #1 was born. I hoped, I *thought* I knew, but not really. And we didn't really know if he and I were going to be on the same page about so many parenting issues. We didn't even know what page we personally were going to be on. Like I said, we got lucky, I think. But I'm learning that not all couples are, and some have to work harder. I suppose alot of it stems back to their own childhood and upbringing. Ideally, if they are compatible in other areas of life, they're going to be compatible as parents too. But maybe not always. You're right in that it shouldn't be a surprise though. And maybe we're doing expectant parents a disservice by not engaging them in more conversations about how they're going to handle situations before they occur. We do that in premarital counseling... should there be preparenting counseling? LOL

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  4. Preparenting counseling, I like that. We need all the help we can give and get. Life is tough...throw in a huge transition like marriage and parenthood, and we've got a big simmering pot with ingredients from our past, whether it be pain or happiness. I don't know, this is a great question for sure. All I know is, we're always changing and either we let ourselves grow in character, or we get stuck in a rut and blame others for what we think we're entitled to. Do you think so?

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  5. Great discussion, love the pre-parenting counseling idea. We do more to prepare for our drivers permit than we do for parenting. Whether we rush into marriage or not, most of us know what we are doing. I was engaged less than 6 months after my first date but I still knew he'd be a good dad. Thanks again for a good discussion....

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  6. Hmmm... I'm all for the pre-parenting/marital counseling bit! People don't take marriage seriously many times. Maybe they go into it thinking they can just get a divorce if it doesn't work out. They are gambling with their lives! I like how your posts make me think about topics that truly matter! Along those lines, I gave you a couple of blog awards on my blog tonight. You deserve them! :)

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  7. I love your posts you really make us think! I wanted to let you know I passed an award onto you on my blog this morning.

    http://thingamajigetc.blogspot.com/

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  8. And some of us are just as equally surprised at how helpful our spouses are after children. Some men grasp the thought of being father's rather than just being a dad. My husband has been more than I ever imagined. He has gone beyond the usual call of Daddy duty and has grown into a better husband. Communicate folks. It really never hurts to ask about and discuss worries, fears, and troubles with one another. It will make you all stronger.

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  9. I think maybe it is just the way of the world. Caught up in things and then reality strikes. I wonder years ago when divorce rates were as high, if things were any different. What made it different? Was it as if people were more acceptable and more tolerable of their spouses?

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  10. I agree with what the Pink Planet wrote and would like to add that parenting changes as children grow. The hubs was terrific at parenting an infant and toddler. As we reached the pre-school years, and discipline and boundaries became an issue along with testing and will power, our differing approaches surfaced. It doesn't mean he's wrong and I'm right, or it's good or bad, there is just more need for communication. Bigger kids, bigger problems, more stress, more strength needed in your marriage. Parenting babies is a cake walk, so as children grow relationships are tested and hopefully grow along with them.

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