Friday, July 2, 2010

The Anniversary of a Death

15 years ago today we learned my brother died in a car accident in Colorado. He was 25. I was 9 days shy of my 21st birthday, still just a kid.
We all have those events in our lives that shape us and my brother’s death was the most defining to date. I had lost one of the most important people in my life, he was gone - he was never coming back. My family was devastated. He was one of the good ones. He had an amazing sense of humor, he was smart, kind, good looking and so much fun.
I often say losing a family member is like automatic acceptance into a club you NEVER wanted to join. Your heart breaks for all incoming members, you know what they have to go through and how hard it’s going to be. Once a family member is lost, they cannot be replaced.
As I look back on the past 15 years without my brother, I have learned a great deal. His passing has taught me how to be a better person, more like him. If I have to live without him, I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve been given in his absence.
You are still missed and loved big brother.


  1. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a wonderful person.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. It's so important to take your grief and turn it into something positive... it's the only way to soften the pain. It is kind of like a club because only the members know the true pain you feel. The death of a loved one makes you a new person and it's good that you became a better one. My thoughts will be with you and your family today and I hope you take the time to remember the happy memories!

  3. I am so sorry for this loss you and your family suffered. When my husband was 14 he lost his brother (who was 2 years older) in a car accident as well. He often says the same thing; experiencing such a thing shapes you. It provides you with lessons that you never thought you would learn. Thinking of you and your family today and as the previous commenter said, I hope you have a chance to get together with your family to remember the good and beautiful things.

  4. TV I am so sorry to hear about your brother's passing! I am so sad for you! You are right about it truly being a defining moment in the life of a family. My Dad's passing has been a huge challenge for me even to this date. We were very close. If you looked in the dictionary for daddys little girl you would see our picture. However, you are also right about the passing of a loved one shaping our lives and how we live it. I try so hard to be like my Dad bevcause he truly was an inspiration to all he met.My heart goes out to you and your family TV.

    Mama Hen

  5. I am so sorry for you loss of your brother! How difficult that must have been to lose a sibling and for your parents to lose a child. He sounds like a wonderful person. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

  6. Tesha, I'm so sorry for your loss! How difficult that must be. You have a healthy outlook that your brother's helped you become a better person. I don't even want to imagine what a life-changing experience it is to lose a family member. I've lost a close friend due to a car accident, and that was tough. My thoughts and prayers are with you today too.

  7. Ladies, thanks for all your sincerely thoughtful comments. What an amazing group you are. Life goes on and we are all doing well. For those of you who've gone through a similar situation, my heart goes out to you as well. Thanks again and in light of this post have a SAFE 4th of July weekend.

  8. I'm tearing up over this one. I am so sorry you lost your brother. How tragic! I can't even stand the thought of losing one of my children like that. I pray every night that they remain healthy & safe. I wish I could keep them with me always so that no harm would come their way, but I know that is impossible. I try to tell my sons (well, my 5 y/ 2 y/o would just look at me like I was crazy) to truly enjoy their lives every day and to enjoy those in their lives every day. Thank you for sharing your brother with us for a moment.

  9. What an absolutely beautiful post.

    I am so sorry you lost your brother at such a young age. Find comfort in all your sweet, wonderful memories!

    You are so right about the club...

  10. Such a sweet post. I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your brother - I can't imagine how hard that had to have been.

  11. T, I still remember so well the phone conversation when you told me about your brother. I will never forget it. I am still so sorry for you and your family that he is gone. I know how much he is missed. You were like two peas in a pod. He was one of the good ones. It's the best big brother that sneaks you into all the college parties when you're in lowly high school. Good times and good memories.

  12. You were his buddy TV Takes and he looked out for you when your other siblings were gone.
    You're so damn cool and amazing sis!
    I am so proud of you and Grant (Bro) is too. Keep your dreams alive! I believe in you!
    Love ya


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