Sunday, July 11, 2010

I'm So Perfect

Okay I’m not perfect, but I can only imagine what you were thinking when you read the title. Gotcha again, didn’t I?!?
Back to business. During a recent conversation, one of my best friends reminded me of how incredibly competitive moms can be with one another. Example: Jimmy crawled at 5 months, your baby isn’t crawling yet….blah blah blah. We all know that kiddos develop differently yet it doesn’t really seem to matter; many of us still compare our parenting styles and munchkins.
No, I’m not perfect but I am guilty. I’m guilty for comparing my child’s development with others. Over the past 17 months of KLV’s life I’ve found a few things work to avoid this naughty behavior.
1) I’m reminded that all kids are definitely different and develop differently.
2) I assume everyone I know is the best parent they can be.
3) Kids are born with a personality and sometimes the best parents have the wildest kiddos.
What do you think? Are you perfect? Do you compare your child to others?

19 comments:

  1. While my kids were infants, I constantly compared them to others and even to each other. Example...My Daughter could do this at 6 months, yet my son can't, etc.

    My new mantra is that when they walk across the stage at graduation day, they won't announce when you rolled over, crawled, was potty trained, could ride a bike, or swam.

    Andrea

    PS: thanks for reminding me of Rusted Root...I love that song and had completely forgotten about it!!

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  2. I think it is hard not to compare sometimes, even though we know we shouldn't. Every once in awhile I run into a kid that is doing above and beyond the norm, and then I can't help wonder if I am not doing enough ext. Or you meet a really crazy acting kid and you can't help but look at your kid as an angel LOL. I try to tell myself the same stuff you do, usually it keeps me in check.

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  3. Oh my. I never really thought about that. I am not a mom, but lord have mercy - I bet I would be SUPER competitive, or overly concerned. My poor sister has to put up with me now. I call her after talking with a friend and I often say something like, "So Heather, XYZ told me their daughter is doing..... is Autumn? Why not? Do you think something is wrong?" LOL Thanks for sharing this. It taught me a lesson - a super competitive AUNT!

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  4. I'm definitely not perfect & I like that. I don't want to be the "perfect" mother. I want to be the authentic mother who is real about who I am & what I have to offer my kids! To act like I won't make mistakes or get it wrong sometimes would be absurd & would put a lot more pressure on me than I think it necessary! I like seeing other moms who admit they aren't perfect!!

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  5. I try really hard not to fall into the Baby Olympics trap, but I fall for it every once and a while. Now that she's walking and talking, I do it much less. I think it's the hardest to avoid when your kid's individual talents haven't really emerged yet. When everyone's kid is pretty much the same in terms of development, it can be hard not to get into the nitty grittys of who can do what, and who can't.

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  6. I absolutely agree with your 3 points, particularly the third. Sometimes it's just out of your control. Now a GOOD parent learns to work WITH their child's disposition, but even then sometimes things just don't go so well. I wrote a post about this very subject about 3 months ago in response to a very irritating incident involving a mama-to-be and her ideals about how kids should behave. http://www.theplanetpink.com/2010/04/robert-burns-has-it-right.html

    Bottom line, perfection isn't possible. Better to be real anyway.

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  7. Ok, I am totally guilty of the comparisons too, but sometimes I think parents can be SO rude when it comes to comments. My youngest son just turned 14 months old and I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "he's not walking yet? Wow that's late"...seriously??! Keep your thoughts to yourself people! Ha, I hate being rude about it,so I just grin and move on, but it hurts my feelings as a mother, ya know?! I do find it funny when friends that didn't have children used to say SO many things about how "wild" our oldest son is(I'm the first to admit, he's ALL boy!), now they have children of their own and they are eating their words :) Ha! Good post and GREAT BLOG by the way!!

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  8. No one is perfect, however there are people who think they know things better than others. I have learned as a mom and a teacher that every child is unique and develops in their own time. There are things they will excel at and others they may not. The most important thing is "love". People should not compare their children to others. They should praise their children every step of the way!

    Mama Hen

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  9. ohmygoodness doesn't the bubble of expectations burst when you have a "real" child?! ha, to think now of some of the ideas i had before becoming a mom for myself. well, i'll tell you what - though i wouldn't have thought it the case then, but i was certainly judgmental of more than i'd like to admit! now that i know how hard parenting is, i'm a lot more keen to blunder through it together with others who are also having successes and failures! cause, you're right... no one is perfect. word!
    adriel

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  10. now following you right back :) Oh and I've been reading your older posts and LOVE your blog :) Glad I found ya!!

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  11. I try my darndest not to compare my kids to others. The spectrum for "normal" is huge, so I often remind my girlfriends about that when they get to critcising their own children. However, I have a really hard time not vocalizing the differences between my own kids. I really struggle there and it eats me alive because I don't want them to grow up comparing themselves to each other all of the time. I wrote about that here:

    http://piersoll4.blogspot.com/2010/05/similarity-stops-here.html

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  12. I hate doing the comparisons thing, but I'm guilty too. My daughter's always been very early on hitting all the "milestones" so I find myself sometimes wondering why other kids her age can't do this or that, things that she can do. She's a little late on potty training and I hate feeling like she's "behind" or anything like that so I am really trying to NOT compare, but it's hard!

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  13. Thanks for visiting my blog! I am now following you as well. And hell yes I am Perfect with a capital P. ;)

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  14. Thank you for your comment today TV! Have a great night!

    Mama Hen

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  15. Great post, TV! I'm definitely not perfect, in fact a recovering perfectionist. I've compared my kids to others and have learned it's a reflection of my own sense of worth. When I'm secure in who I am, it doesn't happen as often - and vice versa.

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  16. I don't compare my kids to other children. But I do find myself comparing my kids milestones because they are almost 2 years apart to the day. LOL. I find myself asking, when did Little Miss start eating with utensils? Shouldn't The Boy be doing that? And then I remember, she was at daycare, she was our first and our world was all about teaching just her everything. Second one comes along and the dynamic changes! But you are so right, all kids, even those in the same family, progress differently. Thanks for the post! I found you through Sofia's Ideas!

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  17. Oh girl - haven't been on in a while and you make me smile! Rusted Root brings back memories of college when they played in our fraternities! Love it! And comparing kids - what a topic! As I grow older and have more children I find I do not compare them to others but I do compare them to their siblings. It's probably worse. I have many friends with children that have special needs. This has made me step back and realize how lucky we all are to have them....period. Wild, quiet, quirky, slow, smart.....they are all children and they are the PERFECT ones!

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  18. LOL! I love "sometimes the best parents have the wildest kiddos." My boys are the most respectful, well-mannered kids you'd ever meet, but my baby girl??!! Yikes! I thought I was home free with a little girl...not. She's a wild one. (I also enjoyed your most recent post. I wonder that myself sometimes. I sometimes feel down on myself because everyone sounds so perfect. I'm definitely not!) :-)

    Mama Hen is the sweetest, isn't she? Thanks for stopping by my blog - great to e-meet you!

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  19. This is so huge with moms. I have never let myself get caught up in the hoopla. It is very easy to do. It doesn't stop either. Parents of my 13 year old are still bickering about what their son did or didn't do. Crazy!

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