Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Finding Your Way

I had a girl’s night out the other night. These nights are so fun, particularly with the right group of women. After going round robin and catching up with everyone, their families etc, I got into an in-depth conversation with one of these lovely women. She is, like so many, struggling to find herself amongst raising a young family. She needs more than just being a mom. Everything she said, I understood, everything she felt, I have felt. By the end of the conversation we were finishing each other’s sentences. I told her how raising my daughter was one of the best and most challenging times in my life. I needed more as well so I’m working on building my own little side endeavor.


After commiserating for a while I told her that instead of looking at this time as difficult, look at it as a transition to grow into an incredible opportunity of your choosing. This same philosophy is true of any challenging time in our lives. Embrace the situation for what it can be, not what it isn’t.

If you feel the same, share how you are finding your way.

13 comments:

  1. Being a mom is definitely the best job anyone can ask for but I also found that I need more. It's hard to go from working full time outside of the home and focusing on building a career to staying at home and focus on raising a child. It is a transitional time and I often find myself thinking about what I'm going to do when I do return to work. I try to keep myself learning something so that I feel like I'm still growing and discovering new things.

    I think all moms feel this way at one time or another but there's no universal answer. Finding something that makes you feel like you have an outside life is tough but so important!

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  2. "Embrace the situation for what it can be, not what it isn't."

    Well, said, TV! I think that moms struggle with this whether they work or stay at home. Once baby is born, there is a tendancy to put all of your focus on the baby and we forget about ourselves. The hobbies and pastimes, or work that used to make us happy & fulfilled. That's a tough burden for a baby to hold....all of your happiness in their tiny palm.

    I struggle to find time to maintain my hobbies, to keep interests outside of child-rearing alive. I still need to focus on who I am outside of Mommy, even though Mommy is the biggest part of who I am now. But, I know it is important, and I'm working on it!

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  3. I think we can all agree that once you become a mother, life as you know it is forever changed. Your world is suddenly filled with an unimaginable joy. At the same time, you're also left with so many new questions and concerns.

    Am I making the right choices for my child?
    Am I being a good mother?
    Who have I become?

    It's a constant soul searching process.

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  4. You are so right TV! Going from a full time working mom outside the home to staying home with my children is a shell shocker. I had all these visions of what it hasn't been but it has become something more. I have found that you can't lose yourself in being a mommy and that ME time is very important. It is so important in even strengthening my marriage because I don't resent my husband for being able to have alone time from the kids.

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  5. I currently work full time out of my home and have a part time in home nanny. It's a crazy load to carry these days but, on the side I've been pursuing photography to find a niche that can me mine in the midst of this all consuming mama life that I live:). I'm hoping to launch a part time career in photography this fall! That has give me hope and a sense of accomplishment outside of being a mama that I needed. It feels great to have the hubs so supportive too!

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  6. its a juggling act EVERY day! I love being a mother, its definitely the greatest gift OF ALL. However, I was a full-time teacher and now that I stay at home, I do miss the adult interaction and feeling like I had a purpose outside the home...I love every moment but am finding my way :)

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  7. TV I think that everyone has some sort of want or desire to do "more". It is human and what keeps us going. As mothers we are easily finding ourselves completly focused on our children and not always leaving much room for ourselves. This is when we start feeling a little something inside calling us to do more with ourselves. It is about finding balance and the things that fulfill us apart from our mommy role. Thank you for your comment. I wrote an update and I have been really beside myself about my daughters illness. I hope all is good my friend.

    Mama Hen

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  8. You hear so many stories of marriages falling apart after the kids leave the nest. This is usually a result of the kids being the sole "glue" holding the relationship together. Without the kids the couple finds they have nothing in common. For convenience's sake, let's say the average life expectancy is to age 80. Child-rearing only takes about 2o years; that leaves 3/4 of one's life where "Mommy" is not your major role. Even if you have lots of kids or spread them out over several years, my point is the main focus of half of your life will be on something other than child-rearing. I think Mama Hen says it best when she says we must find "balance" between our role as Mommy and our lives as individual, productive women in society.

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  9. TV, I'm so glad you had a girls' night and connected with another mom about this. It's nice to have a friend with skin on to share about these things. I know if I didn't meet with my good friend every week for a playdate, I'd be going bonkers with this desire to do "more" and find myself in the midst of motherhood. We've been meeting like this ever since my daughter and her daughter were little, 4 years ago. At the beginning, we mutually shared our inner longings to make an impact in this world. What sweet times...thanks for giving me a chance to reminisce about good friends.

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  10. Hi!! How are you? It's been a few weeks since I've commented on your post but I have been reading them ;) Ahh, girls night out are so needed some weeks! It sounds like you had a great night! To answer your question... I'm going through this whole process right now of trying to find myself and you are exactly right when you said "Embrace the situation for what it can be, not what it isn’t." - So very true! Now, only to live by this!!! ;)

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  11. Hey TV! Thank you for all of your kind comments. The illness has not sunsided yet and my daughter is just tuckered out from it all. I appreciate your comments! I hope you are well and that you have a good day!

    Mama Hen

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  12. Great post - I am so there. I understand every time one of my Mommy friends says - I have had..... blah blah blah. The way I deal, may not always be the best. Sometimes I hate people, not wanting to hang out with anyone. Sometimes getting out is the best medicine. I absolutlely love and adore being a mom. Being a single mom while DH is deployed is a whole different story. No one to help with the 6 poopy diapers a day. No one to deal with the molars that kept us up all night. Truely it is being a mother that has helped me realize the things that keep me sane. Mom night out - bingo. Dates when the hubs is home. Long showers when I can. Blogging to write about what I love. My goals have changed, but I am still here...
    Emily
    www.familyandlifeinlv.com

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  13. Glad you all had a wonderful night out, and I'm glad you had a chance to bond with someone. Whenever I get down on any situation in my life I think to myself "I have my family, my health and my life" and that always puts a smile on my face. So many people are in worse situations than me...but sometimes you just need to remind yourself how lucky you are.

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