Friday, February 17, 2012

Friend or Foe?

During a recent gathering I listened to someone talk about how they couldn’t stand one of their old friends but they still felt obligated to hang out with them.  Generally I do not spend time with people I don’t enjoy so seeing someone voluntarily spend time with a so called friend makes me question their motives.  Are they doing it to appear to be a good friend?  Are they hanging out with said friend just so they can talk negatively behind their back?  Are they just crazy passive aggressive?    

Many have those token friends that we are friends with because the friendship has lasted years and years.  We also have a choice to simply spend time with these kinds of friends without throwing them under the bus.

The truth is I would feel awful if someone hated spending time with me but continued to do so because they felt obligated. 

What are your thoughts?

9 comments:

  1. Yikes! I don't think I spend time with people I don't like unless I am forced to (aka M has a friend who I'm not a fan of, but he's M's friend so I hang out with him when he wants). Other than that, I don't have very many friends in the first place, and I know that we enjoy eachother's company. Great post today, TV! Makes me think about my friend (or foe) ships more. Hope you have a great weekend! I'll keep ya posted on the move in. I can't believe my long distance is OVER!

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  2. The majority of my friends are very special to me and I can't wait to spend time with them and though we all might do things that occasional annoy the other, we love each other like family so it all rolls off. On the other hand I do have a couple of people in my life who I simply am forced to see on a regular basis do to location, activities that we share etc. who I would call friends because we see each other so often but, who are a constant challenge for me. If I was a big gossiper I probably would sound just like that person that you overheard. I try to keep my friendship drama to myself so as to not make waves and I am always hopeful that someday these kinks might smooth out and that we might click better but, man it's a lot of work. But, to really answer your question, I do think it is wrong to trash talk a person that you are basically pretending to be friends with...very wrong! :)

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  3. With my time being limited I try to only spend time with quality friends. But I will say when I was younger it was hard not to keep up with relationships with people you grew up. You know the ones you knew your whole life but now don't have anything in common or that your values are complete opposite? I think you feel obligated to these people b/c you've known them so long.

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  4. The weird thing about this is that I was thinking about it the other day.

    I have a friend, someone I've known for almost 30 years. He has grown stranger and stranger, to the point where we see each other maybe twice a year. Can I really still call him a friend? Not so much. We've devolved into something else, someone I do not wish ill on but someone whose life no longer touches mine, someone whose opinions are now very much removed from mine. Is there a word for that kind of friend? What do we call someone who WAS a friend but is now someone we just USED to know??

    Pearl

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  5. i wouldn't want fake friends anyway. i do, however have a few childhood friends, that i still love but i know they aren't quite the wonderful friends i always thought them to be. my true friends, the ones i can count on and they count on me, are few and far between these days. sadly, as i've grown older and wiser, i've managed to weed out those friends. sounds awful, but bad friendships can be toxic.

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  6. These days, I'm only spending time with the friends that are closest to my heart. I had a lot of casual friends in the past, but time doesn't allow for me to keep up with those friendships. I have to admit that in the past, I did feel obligated to stay friends with people, even when we didn't have much in common. I'm glad that's all stopped now as I'm not good at pretending to be interested in something when I'm not.

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  7. That's awful! Makes you kind of wonder - geez - would I have no idea if you were hanging out with me but didn't like me? It makes that person untrustworthy.

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  8. It definitley makes me question their motives. Shady.

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  9. I could right a book on thus one! I think that person should talk to the friend about "why they are feeling this way." Definitely, try not to throw them under the bus. I would be weary of hanging out with this person.

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