Friday, February 3, 2012

What to Learn from Their Affair

I’ve written about affairs here before.  Sadly affairs keep happening to people I know and care about.  There shouldn’t be much surprise since its estimated 80% of couples will have extramarital affairs.  OUCH.  There are even websites that help spouses have affairs. CRAZY.

What do we need to learn from our friends’ affairs in order to avoid the same fate? 

If you ask those who’ve gone through this they’ll say the following:

  • “Water your Marriage” Don’t take the relationship or each other for granted and work at it. Yes it’s easy to get complacent but just imagine what your life would be like without your spouse. 
  • Don’t let the role of parent overcome you. This is hard because children are so dependent.  However, carving out couple time will save your children from a broken home.  I often tell my husband, “We need to work on us or there won’t be an us.” 
And if you have a friend suffering from an affair, probably the #1 thing you can do is be there and don’t pass judgment.  Your friends just want to be heard and validated. 

What do you think we should learn from affairs?

 

11 comments:

  1. That's a tough one. I know of several people in affairs, and unfortunately, I tend to judge. Though at the same time, I see what is happening, and though I don't agree with it, I understand it.

    I think at the end of the day - listen. Be honest, and remind of what is right and wrong, but at the end of the day - it's their choice.

    Eek.. tough one.

    PS - 80% - YIKES.

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  2. I too know many people who have cheated. They cheat because they're not happy. They're not happy because either they settled for someone they weren't madly in love with or they just became too lazy to work on the relationship. I know this sounds judgemental, but actually I'm agreeing with you, couple time is soooooo important. Working on the relationship daily is sooooo important.

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  3. I would say working on marriage and making us time like you said...b/c the less we focus on that the more we would grow apart.

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  4. That statistic is crazy and also very sad. I think that the world we live in today has so much of the idea that everything is so replaceable. Things and I guess people as well. It is sad that so many people will have to deal with this and the pain that is involved. I hope you are well my friend! Have a great day!

    Mama Hen

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  5. I can't believe that that's the statistic! It's heartbreaking! My dad's twin had an affair and ended up divorcing his wife and marrying his mistress. They now have 3 kids and seem happy, but who knows. Affairs are something that hit home because that happened when I was so young and didn't fully grasp the severity of it until I got older. I agree with your points of doing what matters in order to prevent affairs though :) Happy Monday!

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  6. 80% now, really? SO SAD. having my father have numerous affairs on my mother and the regret he's had his entire life from it...I've leared to NEVER take those we love for granted and I cherish my husband each and every day :)

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  7. Marriage takes work sometimes. Actual work and mindfulness. It sounds cliche, but communication is EXTREMELY important. It can be hard to really open up and tell the truth, but how else will you grow together?

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  8. Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding me? 80%?! Actually, I guess I'm not surprised. My MIL lives with us because my FIL cheated on her after being married 38 years. 38. years. I probably told you that before, so I'm sorry to bring it up again! Love your reminders, especially about not letting kids distract us from having a good marriage.

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  9. Firstly, I've missed your space here and Love the new layout and updated photos. KLV is just so precious! Like any obstacle or challenge in life there is so much to be learned as individuals and as a couple when you find yourself in this position. Yes, regrets and what ifs, but also opportunity to grow and change and become better individuals both seperately and perhaps together. I wouldn't wish my experiences on my worst enemy, but at the end of the day...I hope good comes out of it. I appreciate and adore you, TV.

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  10. My parents divorced because my father had a an affair. While I had a fun childhood, the background of my childhood was feeling sorry for my mom who spent many years crying and being angry by the situation. It was awful! Through this, I learned to appreciate my marriage. I also learned that the "grass isn't always greener on the other side," for my father didn't find someone better through the process either. In the end, all it causes is hurt, resentment, regret, pain, and suffering. Having an affair is very ego driven...it's sad that people look outside their marriage to validate who they are...after all, affairs just complicate things and make all problems worse instead of better. So sorry to hear about your friend. What a tough time she must be going through right now! She's lucky to have you as a friend.

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  11. Sometimes I wonder if part of the reason sometimes for affairs is because of unrealistic expectations. Maybe we got screwed by fairytales and hollywood that we think romance is forever and constant and that what we need we can find from one other person forever. Ideals are good but as they say, you need to be happy with what you have instead of wanting what you don't have and thinking that will make you happier. Ahhh, I don't know. Too complex right?

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