Thursday, June 7, 2012

3 Types of Marriages

During a recent conversation with my mom I suggested there are 3 types of marriages:

1) Happy Highly Passionate – this category accounts for a small percentage of marriages

2) Comfortable Partners - this being most marriages I know

3) Dysfunctional – actually I know a few of these as well

(sure there are more kinds of marriage and at different stages but you get the idea)

The fact is some people still have this fairytale notion that marriage should be all rainbows and unicorns.  But why? 

If you’ve been married for some time you know marriage can be great and marriage can be hard.  People have baggage, get sick, lose money/jobs, and they have kids and responsibilities which puts stress on a marriage. 

Marriage isn’t perfect and no one ever told me it would be.  Personally I’d rather have a solid partner to walk through the good and the bad of life with versus a marriage that didn’t last but was fun for a year or two.    

So I really want to know what’s with all the marital rainbow and unicorn expectations?  Isn't marriage doomed to fail if this is how some think of it?

11 comments:

  1. Hi! Of course, I come here today because I missed you and find a topic I have something to say about :) I think the whole rainbows and unicorns thing is drilled into our skulls from the time we are pre-schoolers. We want what Cinderella had, we want the happily ever after...and unfortunately in the "i have to have it now" and selfish world we live in, it's easier to jump ship and chase the "dream" than it is to really work at a marriage. I'm not saying people should stay in toxic/unhealthy marriages, but we should teach our children that relationships require compromise, that arguments and differing opinions should be handled constructively, and with patience and understanding. And most importantly, we should teach them about committment. If we can manage to do that then maybe they'll grow up with a realistic expectation about what marriage is about....I hope.

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  2. Not being married, but in a serious relationship, I'm not sure if I could comment on this subject, especially since I'm a fairy tale person. Both M and my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years. My parents have gone through both really hard times and great times, but as partners, yet there is still the romance and love that I know can last even after 28 years :) Call me the un-married girl living life through rose-colored glasses, but I have a great set of parents to aspire to be like!

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  3. I was one of those people that wanted the rainbows when I was younger. I got a dose of reality with my first boyfriend that I was with for 10 years that rainbows might not be the reality. I had a really hard time trusting after that relationship. Marriage is made up of love, comromise, trust, give and take and it takes work on both parts. I hope you are well! Have a great night!

    Mama Hen

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  4. Hello! 1st-time visitor to your excellent blog and am most impressed. You discuss important, universal questions and ask good questions of your readers. I like this one on unicorns, illusion and disillusion in marriage, especially now at 42 years with the same wife. We are getting serious. My compliments.

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  5. great point! I know that my husband and I know things are a work in progress but as we examine other relationships, we find that we have a VERY strong marriage. Of course, we don't always get along(that's only natural) but we always make sure to find a common ground and never allow the arguments to get outta control. We talk and communicate about EVERYTHING and we do most things TOGETHER...after all, the family that plays together, stays together!!! so cheesy, but true! He's the love of my life, my best friend and I couldn't ask for anything more than that!

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  6. OOh.. that's a loaded question, but I agree. Setting those super high expectations can push a couple (especially the women in the relationship,) over the edge. Unicorns and rainbows can be saved for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and other holidays. Birth of a child, and that unexpected moment you both share. But most of the time - it's just life. :-)

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  7. People often don't set realistic expectations and fail to communicate. I'm with you on the solid life partner!

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  8. You are right...I'm not sure why we set up marriage with such high expectations. Everyone knows it is hard work!

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  9. I really think this is a good question. I think the rainbow, unicorn perception of marriage is hard to live up to. I think a good marriage is one that is made of two very committed individuals. It's not perfect. But, it thrives because the two people in the marriage want to make it work.

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  10. I agree 100%. I'll be honest; my courtship with my husband was very much based on this unicorns and rainbows fantasy. We did a lot of traveling together, and we felt like we were soul mates. Marriage has taught me, however, that nothing in life is perfect, and situations can change at a moment's notice--illness, addition, in-law relationships, etc. I think the strength of your relationship is not measured in all the good times you have; it's in how you're able to cope together as a unit during those hardest moments.

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  11. Expectations always mess up anything....ANYTHING. All the more if the expectations are unrealistic. Actually, let me correct my first sentence. Expectations don't always mess up everything. I think expecting that marriages are difficult, hard work and not all about romance are good and healthy expectations. ;-)

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