Sunday, October 14, 2012

My Dad

My Dad died yesterday. My husband took the call.  He died in a tragic freak accident.  He was 69 years old. 

Losing a parent is surreal; of course they are supposed to go before any of the kids.  In my family it didn’t quite work out that way.  My brother died 16 years ago; another accident. The level of raw emotions is inexplicable.

For the first 20+ years of my life, my relationship with my Dad was rocky.  As we both grew up, the anger disappeared. Our relationship became peaceful and easy.  We saw each other about every five years.  These were fun, quick, jovial visits.  Our phone conversations were the same; funny and lighthearted. He had the best sense of humor with a big belly laugh and a quick wit. He taught us all how to find the humor in life.  He also had the best phrases – something only a country boy could get away with saying.  He loved Elvis and honky-tonk. He taught me how to ride a horse and I watched him help bring countless baby calves into the world. Amazing memories of growing up on a ranch.

He did not have an easy life but he was loved and he gave love.  He is at peace now.

I’ve tried to prepare myself for this day, but I’m no fool – death is never easy.  Not even for this country girl.  

I lost my Dad today and he can never be replaced.

If you haven’t made amends with someone in your life, please consider doing it.  I cannot imagine going through this with the weight of regret looming over me.

I’ll miss you Dad.

14 comments:

  1. I am truly very sorry for your loss, Tesha. It's good that you still find the wisdom behind the grief and have the strength to share it with the rest of us during this extremely difficult time. But know that friends ('real' and 'virtual) and loved ones are there to support you even when grieving takes you to a 'darker' place. **HUGS** You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  2. Tesha, sorry for your loss. Losing someone close is never easy. Well written story. Your dad should be very proud of the women you have become. Take care.

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  3. Sending you hugs and prayers to get through this rough time. It's not an easy thing but I am happy you don't have to have the regret of holding a grudge hanging over you as you heal. Take care, let yourself grieve and take joy in the memories!

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  4. Please accept my sincere condolences.

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  5. oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your sudden loss. Sounds like a father that will be missed greatly. ((hugs)) sent straight your way and hope you are at peace.

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  6. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep your family in my prayers...it's never easy to lose someone and it's even harder when it is unexpected. Sending hugs your way!

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear this. My father died 4 1/2 years ago and it still hurts. My advice...Take comfort in your memories. Allow yourself time to grieve. It's OK to cry...for a long time.

    The first year is the worst...it does get easier.

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  8. My heart is breaking for you. I wish that there was something I could do or say, but I know that no matter how sudden or expected, there's nothing that can be said to capture the grief that you might feeling right now. All I can simply say is I'm sorry for you loss, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you know that your friends in the online world are here for you (me, especially) if you need ANYTHING at all, even a random email saying hello. Lots of love and hugs being through this comment.

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  9. Oh Tesha - I am so sorry for your loss. As always, you see to be holding yourself together beautifully. My prayers are with you and your family during this time. May your father find peace in the after life, and may you rest assure that he will always be near you now.

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    1. I'm so sorry. I lost my dad unexpectedly about a year and a half ago. He was 58. Grief is so complicated. I spent that first year on edge worrying about my mom and my 2 brothers with special needs. My son had such a bond with his Paw Paw, as he was only 20 months at the time, and my daughter was only 5 weeks old. The first year is the hardest. Be kind to yourself as you grieve. You're right on about having grudges-I can't imagine what my stepbrother is feeling as he cut off our family about a year prior. (I sure hope that evil **** of a wife of his was worth it.) As you see, I still have a bit of bitterness of my own. Again, so sorry for your loss. It will eventually get more tolerable. You will be able to talk about him without crying. You will find peace in memories, instead of a stabbing pain. It just takes time....

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss Tesha. I lost my father unexpectedly five years ago, and my heart broke. He had moved to Georgia, so the last 20 years of our relationship, I think, may have been similar to yours. We would see each other once a year for fun, lighthearted trips. Although, he didn't teach me how to ride a horse!

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I've had some very interesting experiences after my father passed that makes me believe that they really stay with you even when you think they're long gone...I agree with Colbie, "Be kind to yourself and grieve," but know they are still with you. Sending you lots of hugs right now. XOXO.

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  11. I'm so sorry to read this. I have lost one parent (my mom) and understand some of the emotions. Offering prayer.

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  12. TV - I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the plethora of emotions you must be confronting. I'm glad that you can embrace the memories and appreciate the memories. I'll pray for peace and comfort for you and your family. Miss you.

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  13. Sorry I am just seeing this now friend! After just losing someone very, very dear to me in the past month this post was all to real for me also. I am so sorry for your loss and when death is sudden and unexpected it seems to feel like a raw slap in the face at times. I'm finding more peace as time passes but, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that my loved one is gone and that I won't ever see her or talk to her again here on Earth. I cherish all the good memories as I know you do also with your Dad. Hugs to you as you continue to process it all and prayers of comfort and peace. xoxo

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